Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Fuck, Fuck, FUCK

Stupid lil me thought that since it turned out okay last time, that insurance would be a breeze for this surgery. HA! Sunday evening I see a post on my microtia yahoo board that effective immediately Dr. R. will no longer be in my insurance's network, AND they are going to require a $5K deposit from us up front. I am pissed! Four weeks notice? That is so uncool, I don't even know what to say. And now I'm also afraid that since they're out of network, we'll owe even more after the surgery. What really pisses me off is that I disn't even hear this from them, but from someone who doesn't even work for them. I don't know how to come up with $5K in 4 weeks! I've asked them if they can take less or waive it, since they're giving us almost no notice, and I haven't heard back yet.

So anyway, stress levels are REALLY high right now. Thank god I doubled the anxiety meds last week. I'll be so glad when this crap is over.

As most of you know, I can see where you're coming from, and I discovered a really cool blog last week: Langer Loksh is written by a woman who also has a son with microtia. Anyway she linked to my "What I really want to say" post and to Miles' blog and discusses them here.

First, I am so flattered that someone has a blog discussing both of my blogs! Second, it made me question whether or not I should have posted my true thoughts on medpor vs. rib graft...but only for a little while. When I posted that, I knew there was a good chance someone would stumble across it by googling the right words, yet I did it anyway. I would never post those thoughts on the yahoo board, for fear of hurting feelings, but at the time I felt the urge to get the thoughts somewhere out in cyberspace. Especially since I feel so strongly about them.

I'm also glad to see that Miles' blog helped her make a decision at least about when to pursue surgery. Her decision is different than mine--my blog helped her to decide to wait until her child is older, but I think that's great! I am very glad we did the surgery while Miles was young. I feel because of this, he was not so afraid since he didn't really understand what was going on, and he wasn't embarassed about wearing the cups and bandages. And I hope he won't have too many memories, although I'm sure he'll have some. But I think waiting is also a good option, and I'm really honored that my blog helped her in some way to come to that decision.

I haven't read her entire blog thoroughly, but some of the posts I did read were so poignant and true about how it feels to have a child with microtia. Her experiences and feelings are so similar to mine and its reassuring to see that things can be so universal. I loved reading someone else's similar experiences in coming to terms with your child's "difference," dealing with other people's reactions, the joy at discovering the microtia yahoo board (wow, there are others out there!), the horrible experiences with doctors (she titles those posts "Doctors Behaving Badly," which cracks me up), etc. I love her post on the "Welcome to Holland" essay. Her feelings on it are very similar to mine. Anyway, it's just cool to know that others out there feel the way you do about many things.

So B had his "re-vasectomy" on Friday. Poor guy. He's a sweetie for going through it again. Not sure how many men would do that. I keep telling him it's just because he's so manly. It was hot here, and I had a fun weekend playing outside and trying to keep cool with the boys, while keeping them out of dad's hair. I'm pissed at myself though, because I got a little sunburned on Sunday. I'm REALLY not supposed to do that with the meds I'm on, and I thought I was being really careful, but apparently I was not. Now I have this weird sun rash on my neck. Ick.

I just finished "Love and Other Impossible Pursuits" by Ayelet Waldman. It was a very sad, but well written book about a woman who has recently lost an infant and her relationship with her stepson and other family members. I'm now reading a long awaited book, "Too Much, Too Late" by Marc Spitz, who wrote "How Soon is Never," one of my favorite books. It's good, but doesn't come close to "How Soon." They never do. It's about a band from Ohio. I will give him kudos for mentioning Frankie's in Toledo. I laughed when I saw that! Ah, the memories of Frankies....It's hard to believe that it is no more. My band played there quite a few times. Woohoo. I tried to google a good link for Frankie's, but since it is no more, I couldn't find anything post-worthy. Send me one, if you have it.

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