9/1/05

Pity Party

First, I will put out there that I feel like a total ass for putting this "woe is me" post out in cyber space, when so many are suffering far more in New Orleans and surrounding areas. They all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

BUT...I really need this "woe is me" post. The fact that I am sick as a dog is probably not helping my outlook on life. I finally got the cold that my 3 boys have had, and as usual, I got it far worse than anyone. I HATE my immune system! It always over reacts to viruses. I can't just get a runny nose like everyone else, but have to be stuck in bed for a day and half with a fever. I get so weak that I can barely get up to go to the bathroom. It's absolutely pathetic. I'm back at work today, but still feeling like crap.

Tuesday I went to the endocrinologist about my hyperthyroidism (Finally! It only took 7 weeks to get in to see her). It turns out I have Graves Disease, an autoimmune disease where your immune system attacks your thyroid receptors and over stimulates the thyroid. I have to take a pill of radioactive iodine, which will kill my thyroid (shrivel it up like a raisin, according to the literature). I will then have to take synthetic thyroid hormone supplements for the rest of my life, since I will no longer have a working thyroid. For some reason, this really upsets me. I guess it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but killing one of my organs and then having to take medication the rest of my life is really upsetting. When I left the doctor's office after the news, I went to my car and cried my eyes out. I'm sure it didn't help that right around then is when the high fever started, so that probably made me over-emotional. But I'm still pretty darn upset about it.

Things have been super stressful with trying to plan our trip to California for Miles' surgery. What the hell is wrong with people in LA? I hate to make mass generalizations, but so far everyone I have spoken to at the hospital and hotels, has been completely useless. It took over TWO WEEKS to try to set up a post op appointment. We need to set this up so that we know when we can come home. Well, after 2 weeks of trying, I finally got someone to call me back, only to find out that Dr. Reinisch decides when he wants the post op on the DAY OF THE SURGERY. I guess I can understand this; he needs to know how the surgery went to determine when he needs to see the patient, but it sure makes travel plans difficult. Not to mention that I find it ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE that it took 2 weeks for me to get this information.

Next, I try to book a hotel room near the hospital. It took 3 days for me to get a hold of someone to make the reservation and get the discounted children's hospital rate. Don't they want my business? I know it's discounted, but it's still pretty damn expensive.

I am so incredibly emotional and stressed about this surgery, and I just don't need this extra hassle. I seriously am wondering if I need some anti-anxiety meds to get me through the surgery. I know that hyperthyroidism makes you anxious, so I don't know how much of it to attribute to my health condition and how much is what I would normally experience anyway. I know any parent would be stressed about it.

I'm incredibly worried about my grandmother. We recently found out that she has breast cancer and emphyzema. She is phobic to anything medically related and won't do anything about either condition. I feel like she is dying this long, slow horrible death and I can't do anything about it. I also feel incredibly guilty that I feel some anger towards her for not doing anything. I shouldn't feel that way in her last days, but I do.

My job is incredibly stressful. The political climate here is a mess and while I have absolutely no indication that my boss is looking for another job, I also know that he would be nuts not to. If he leaves, who knows what would happen to me. A new person might come in and "clean house." Morale here is at an all time low, and it's just not a very pleasant place to be these days.

Okay, enough of the pity party. On a good note, Miles had a two hour orientation for his new preschool yesterday, and he loved it. I am so excited about him starting preschool. He is just going to blossom.