Wednesday, September 12, 2007


My Crazy Ass White Trash Family

My mother's family is insane. Absolutely bonkers.

I just got off the phone with my mom. Last night she got home and my dad told her to get on the phone. It was my grandparents. They were hysterical because my cousin's wife, Penny, had called and told them that my Aunt Judy (my mom's sister) had told her that she was going to their house (they live about 2 hours from eachother) and kill them! ?!?!? Supposedly they had had a big row about Judy smoking in front of Penny's kids (gotta side with Penny on this one). As Judy was leaving she said something about, "Well, I'm gonna go visit my parents and kill them with my second-hand smoke." Penny didn't hear the "with my second-hand smoke" part and assumed what any rational adult would...that my aunt was planning to go kill her parents! And, like any rational adult who truly believed that someone is going to commit a murder, she didn't call the police, but called the 85 year old, slightly demented couple!

So my grandparents pleaded with my mom not to tell my aunt about Penny's revelation, but she assured them she would call Judy and see if she sounded strange or anything. Judy sounded fine and even talked about playing with her grandkids (Penny's kids). Poor Judy was clueless about what was going on behind the scenes. Today she headed off down to visit my grandparents, since my grandmother is having out patient surgery on her back today.

My sister and I convinced my mom that she needed to warn Judy what she was getting into. For one thing, they're kind of hillybilly-from-the-Ozarks types, and who knows, grandpa could meet her at the door with a gun! To defend himself, of course. So Judy turned around and went back home and I think Penny's husband (Judy's son) is going to go talk to them to apologize and let them know their lives aren't in danger.

WTF????!!!! What kind of evil, demented woman calls two little old people to tell them they're about to be murdered by their daughter? I am not very close to that side of the family, so I don't have Penny's number. It's a good thing, because I'd really like to give her a piece of my mind. Actually I'd like to just smack her upside the head.

Okay, enough about my crazy family and more about my sane one. We talked to Miles' preschool and they're going to let him stay for lunch (we'll have to pay a little extra). Usually half-day kids go home right before lunch. We're hoping that eating with other kids will help him with his pickiness. Maybe that's a stupid idea, but it's worth a shot. He's very influenced by his peers, so hopefully if he sees them eating, he'll eat too. Plus the school works on manners and stuff. We do too, of course, but a little outside reinforcement doesn't hurt. Here's the bummer: we went to both Walmart and Target and there are no lunchboxes left! We had to get him a boring one. All the cool kid ones are gone. Don't people buy them at times other than back-to-school?

Jack's cold is already gone. He just had a runny nose for a couple of days, thank goodness. He and his daddy often go on a bike ride while Miles is at school. He rides in the bike trailer and has made that his new nap time. I guess the movement lulls him to sleep. Today Brian IM'ed me and Jack was saying "hi" to Miles' stuffed duck, Little Quack. How cute!

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